Marriage Fidelity and the Tending of One’s Own Garden

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In the Garden of Our Love

In the garden of our love

is a place solely our own

where flowers grace the arbors

on the framework of our home

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In the garden of our love

we tend each others needs

where joy embraces passion

in the framework of our peace

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In the garden of our love

is a gate securely locked

where only we may attend

in the framework of our thoughts.

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Wendy/2016

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Marriage Fidelity and the Tending of One’s Own Garden:

I’ve never played the “Not tonight, honey, I’ve got a headache,” card in my marriage and hopefully I never will because it’s a dangerous game to play in a sexually saturated society. Today’s temptations are as entangling as a wild morning-glory in a neglected garden; except there’s no glory in someone behaving inappropriately at the expense of another.

So, right about now you may be wondering why I’m writing about this…

I had a dream I suspect resulted from a visit my husband and I had with a lonely widow. She was by no means trying to steal my husband in any way whatsoever. But as I noticed how kind and respectful she was towards him I was reminded how important it is to give my partner the same attention I gave him during our courting days. If I don’t, there’s bound to be a person in the wings who’d be happy to take my place.

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Now back to my dream…

I dreamed a lovely and sophisticated lady was covertly trying to steal my husband. While she acted calm and respectful towards him and me, I seethed with all the fury of a mother bear with cubs in tow. And I grabbed the woman and tossed her over our garden fence so that she landed in some thistles—yes!

Actually—no.

That may be what happened in my dream, but in real life that’s not an effective way to protect a marriage. In a relationship, as in most sports, defense is the best offense. I’ve learned from reading marriage books and from watching happy couples that a woman’s best weapon against the enemy of infidelity is prayerful respect.

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I hope you haven’t ditched this post yet. Because I’m not talking about the being-a-doormat-kind-of-respect. I mean an unconditional respect that remembers and focuses on why you married your prince charming in the first place.

There’s nothing—and I mean nothing—as potent and appealing to a man as a woman who looks at him through the eyes of acceptance, admiration and appreciation. It’s what Emerson Eggerichs calls the “mother tongue.”

Men need unconditional respect like women need unconditional love.

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I remember a lady I worked with back in the 1980’s. She was attractive enough to seduce a new boyfriend, but what she craved was for her husband to return home. Her ex had run off with someone she described as dumpy. Looking back on it now, I hadn’t sensed any respect or admiration from her for her husband. She was bitter, and her wounds oozed contempt. Bitterness never sweetens a pie. I bet the frumpy girlfriend he’d run off with had the allure and charm of a respectful demeanor.

Yes, he was wrong to cheat on and desert his wife. But his wife may have neglected to tend the garden beneath the surface of her pretty blond hair. Tossing the other woman over the fence wasn’t going to work. She needed to give her man an irresistible reason to return home: R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Are you still with me? I know I’ve lost a follower or two over this topic before. So allow me to clarify my stance on respect. I’m not suggesting a wife should stay with and put up with a two-timing abuser. This advice is for women married to normal good-willed guys.

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My lover has gone down to his garden,

to the beds of spices,

to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies.

I am my lover’s and my lover is mine;

Song of Songs 6:2-3 NIV

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Here’s a wonderful website about marriage: Love & Respect

Have you got a great site you’d like to add? Please feel free to put the link in the comments, especially if it’s a post you’ve written. I’m nosy-to-know.

Love and Respect Blessings ~ Wendy

P.S. One of these days I’ll share the whole story of how I discovered the website I mentioned… maybe I’ll even share some of my own dirty laundry in the next post.

Men need unconditional respect like women need unconditional love. #faith #marriage Click To Tweet

A woman’s best weapon against the enemy of infidelity is prayerful respect. #faith #marriage Click To Tweet